Category: Uncategorized

There is nothing sweeter than hitting the InstaCare while on vacation. No-siree, there is nothing better than sitting in a crowded waiting room full of people with irritable bowel syndromes, wet hacking coughs, and sporadic bouts of Tourrette’s all the while your wife is waiting patiently to go on a hike through the Grand Tetons.…

I have swimmer’s ear. No, I’m not suggesting I can manipulate and control Janet Evans though I wrote a lot of fan fiction regarding Janet Evans back in 1992. There’s water behind my right ear and I can barely hear. It feels like there’s half of a fleshy brain grapefruit on the inside of my…

For the uninitiated, the Pie Hole is a pizza parlor on State Street. They serve pizza with a lot of range. At 5 p.m. their pizza might not legally be able to qualify as food with a thick layer of grease on a crust chewier than a radial tire. But at 1:30 a.m. after pouring…

There’s been way too much excitement regarding the nationwide release of pumpkin favored products. From coffee to motor oil, tampons to cakes, you can’t throw a rock in a crowded hospital without hitting something with pumpkin flavor in it. When did America lose its collective mind over a gourd? The only good thing you get…

Jeff Buckley. Mein Fuhrer. Roy Schneider. Born Under a Bad Sign. Balloon payment. Wrigley Field. Bad dog, bad dog. We spent the rest of the evening engaged in group sex with Buzz Aldrin taking turn satisfying Stan, Donna and me. I had no more tears to shed and I felt hollow and violated. There was…