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The World’s Worst Carpenter

There’s bone spurs between his ears. That’s the only logical explanation for Trump’s behavior. There has to be some sort of blockage prohibiting him from acting honorably and conducting himself like a shaved baboon. But there is no arthroscopic surgery to remove these spurs. They have long calcified over. The man leaching his way through … Continue reading

You Best Be Voting Tomorrow

Here’s a bitter pill to swallow. Donald Trump was just announced President-elect of the United States of America. I was dumbfounded. In fairness, I was violently drunk. Watching the election results, I successful plowed through beers, bourbon and red wine. I was a mess. Just like the Democrats. How in the world is Virginia in … Continue reading

An Open Letter to Barack Obama

Dear Mr. President: First off, I’m a really big fan. Voted for you twice. Hell, I hosted fundraisers for you at my bar. And I’d do it again. You made politics cool and reminded us involvement at the local, state and federal level is important. Moreover, you reminded us that we can be great without … Continue reading

Revisiting Point Break (1991)

Rewatched Point Break last night. Had a couple of thoughts about the 27 year old movie. Continue reading

la Ville Lumière

The smoke is already drifting through my baguette-stained hands. Tilting my beret back even further, I’ll look across the Pont Alexander bridge and casually wave at the Norte Dame or some other super-old church and sigh. It’ll be the sigh of the seasoned-traveler who’s been-there, done-that. See one millennial old building, you’ve seen them all. … Continue reading

For Las Vegas, Gun Control Now

The worst country western show I have ever seen was Jason Aldean. It was at the USANA Amphitheater a couple of summers ago. The weather was hot and muggy, the sound was too loud, and Aldean was easily 20-pounds heavier than me. I know what I look like—about 260-gallons of wet laundry squeezed into a … Continue reading

People Love Football More Than Trump

3.4 million Puerto Ricans are fighting for survival and this dotard is tweeting about kneeling at a professional football game. Talk about taking your eyes off the prize. Americans love sports—football, basketball, baseball, hell, even professional soccer—and Trump might have fired the first shot across the bow of a battleship he can’t sink. LeBron James … Continue reading

End on a High Note

It’s stunning the amount of celebrities who passed away in 2016. Losing Muhammad Ali was horrible but the end of two decades of Parkinson’s disease for the Champ made it easier. Not a huge fan of Prince but his guitar solo in “Let’s Go Crazy” and “While my Guitar Gently Weeps” reminds me that on … Continue reading

These Are Serious Times

The idea of drinking a glass of Martinelli’s sparkling apple cider over Thanksgiving is absurd. Holiday meals and celebrations demand more fortified drinks: bourbon, red wine, gin, canned beer, grass whisky, Jameson or some other fermented or distilled beverage. Except vodka. These are serious times and we need serious drinkers. Vodka is reserved with children. … Continue reading

It’s Going to Be Okay: Election 2016

There’ only one thing for certain after today’s election. We’re going to be okay. The world is not going to end on Wednesday even if my hangover has something different to say. There won’t be any runs on the banks or long lines outside gas stations. There’ll still be food on the shelves at supermarkets, … Continue reading

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