Salt Lake City

This category contains 52 posts

White Girl Drunk

If asked what my favorite part of bartending is, I would answer quickly and with the utmost certainty. It isn’t the pile of cash tips in my bucket to be counted at the end of the night or the quickly sipped beer I put away while counting my earnings. It isn’t the thrill of pouring … Continue reading

Fireball is for Losers

I don’t drink from pints nor do I consume from handles. Having limitations in your liquor consumption means having standards. That is not to say I won’t take a nip off your bottle or have a monkey pull from the handle—I’m not uptight or anything like that. I just think that it is better to … Continue reading

Letter To A New Bartender

Welcome aboard! Congratulations on your new position. I’m sure that the interview process was tough and thorough but your resume and interviewing abilities made the difference in getting the job. Earning a bartending job in Utah is tough. There are not nearly enough positions for every talented candidate. With most people earning a job by … Continue reading

Go Free Park Yourself

I remember a simpler time in Salt Lake. A time when a fella would have to buy a temporary membership at a bar to get a drink, took in a game at the Delta Center and purchase every household object under the sun at Fred Meyer. A time before City Creek, TRAX, decent pizza and … Continue reading

Fish with Dynamite

There are two groups of people I am constantly amazed at. The first are white people who can flawlessly perform elaborate handshakes with black guys. The intricate movements usually resulting in a finger snap and a fist bump are amazing and I wish I could pull it off every time. Hell, I’d be satisfied to … Continue reading

Governor of the Island of Misfit Toys

My name is Ben Raskin and I am the governor of the Island of Misfit Toys. That’s what I am calling Keys On Main’s VIP section—an island of misfit toys. I work East #1 at the club and my primary responsibility is to take care of the VIP section. That’s are large roped off section … Continue reading

The Thin Air

It’s not the heat that grabs you but the lack of air. The air is thin. Too thin to work in and much too thin to survive. I would have paid a Sherpa a king’s ransom to pump rejuvenating air into my lungs—to carry the weight for a moment, to ease the tension that my … Continue reading

The Blue T-Shirt

It started with a T-shirt—a stupid $12 T-shirt. Football brings out the worst in people and I didn’t help matters last Saturday wearing a BYU t-shirt to the bar. The staff was allowed to wear U of U gear for the last Holy War match between the local rivals. I, thinking I was going to … Continue reading

The Gluttonous Pyramid

They come in all shapes and sizes, from around the country and the globe. There are youngsters just out of high school to senior citizens trying to enjoy the twilight of their lives. Destination? Utah. Their business? Multi-level marketing. Pyramid schemes and somehow they always make it to my club. In the plus/negative list of … Continue reading

I Am Salt Lake Podcast

He is tall, bearded, tattooed and walking towards me. His arms are overloaded with recording equipment as he passes underage skateboarders smoking cigarettes. Fairmont Park is alive with bums chugging vodka, kids smoking weed, heavy petting under the tall oak trees and me waiting under the pavilion to do a podcast with Chris Holifield. Chris … Continue reading

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