Ben Raskin

Category: Bar Life

  • The Fourth Best Option

    —

    by

    Ben Raskin
    in , ,

    I’ve sustained substantial testicular damage from bartending at Keys On Main. It has been a chronic injury. It is not the result of taking cocktail waitress into the liquor closet or deflowering customers into the back office. It happens when I pour a draft beer. You’re first response should be what my doctor said, “Well,…

  • A Dirty Mother

    —

    by

    Ben Raskin
    in , ,

    He looked Pat O’Brien on a bender. Salt and pepper hair with a trim mustache, wire frames, suit and perfectly capped teeth. He carried himself with the confidence of an assistant high school principal and was unaccustomed to being told no. He sauntered up to the bar with his wife and asked me what goes…

  • Night of the Trollopes

    —

    by

    Ben Raskin
    in , , ,

    The menacing Harry Payne once asked a mouth breathing Officer Jack Traven, “Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?” I think we’ve all been in…

  • Plaid Nightmares

    —

    by

    Ben Raskin
    in , ,

    Plaid is the new Affliction and plaid Affliction shirts are the devil’s creation. Remember the good old days when you saw a guy in a Raider’s jersey and you knew he was up to no good? It seems like every trouble maker these days at the club are sporting a new plaid button down and…

  • The Bride Wore Black and White

    —

    by

    Ben Raskin
    in , ,

    Too much diversity at a bachelorette party is never a good thing. I am accustomed to a cackle of screaming women drinking tequila through pinched noses and the occasional nipple slip. Keys On Main is Chuck E. Cheese for adults and for good reason. We’re the only bar in town that can replicate a moment…